Heels Heal 

In November 2023, I ventured far beyond my comfort zone by participating in a dance performance on stage alongside 80 other dancers in front of an audience of 300 people. The experience was phenomenal, serving as both a celebration and a significant personal achievement. 

However, as glorious as it may sound, the process to get there is filled with challenges, setbacks, and moments of doubt. 

 There were three major obstacles I had to overcome In order to present the performance 

First challenge was Years ago, my adrenal fatigue and hypothyroidism took away my strength and left me with less than 12% of body fat. 

After about two years of slowly rebuilding my strength and considering returning to my regular activities, I encountered the unexpected complication of patella tilt, the kneecaps bent outward. This condition resulted in torn ligaments and painful inflammation causing difficulties in walking, often crippling and wobbling on the verge of losing balance. 

I had to embark on a tough two-year journey to conquer my patella tilt. 

I faced daily battles with intense exercises to strengthen my knees, enduring setbacks and tears. This effort allowed me to gradually resume activities like yoga and kickboxing, but dancing in heels remained a distant dream. 

After two more years of focused training on my core and legs to build strength and stability, I could finally step into heels again for the first time. Mastering dancing in heels was a new challenge, involving countless hours of practice, muscle engagement, balance improvement, and a comprehensive post-practice routine of stretching and massages. 

The second challenge was learning to embrace my true self with confidence. 

Heels dance is an expressive form of art where performers wear high-heeled shoes, showcasing /intricate choreography and demanding exceptional balance and control. 

The costume for this dance consisted of a form-fitting bodysuit paired with fishnet stockings, ac/centuated by heavy makeup with bold eyeshadow and eyelashes. Completing the ensemble were black buckled strap punk heeled boots. 

However, this form of expression contradicts the norms of Asian culture, where women are expected to dress modestly and be submissive, and completely inappropriate for my ex-husband’s family due to their Muslim background. 

For over four decades, I concealed my desire to wear clothing and strike the movement that made me feel confident and attractive, carrying a sense of shame and self-disgust. 

With the encouragement of the instructor and fellow dancers, I was slowly stepping into my feminine and sexual side. Gaining the courage and confidence to embrace my own identity and express myself in ways that resonate with my feminine sensibilities. 

Through training and practising the choreography, I discovered that dance was not just a physical activity but a powerful means of connecting with my body, expressing myself, and experiencing the joy of movement. 

The third challenge I faced was my fear of making mistakes 

The idea of performing on stage in a group frightened me, fearing I would embarrass myself or let my group down. 

During the first class, I felt like the ugly duckling, attempting to imitate the beauty of the swan queen. “This is ridiculous.” I said to myself. I couldn’t shake the awkwardness and discomfort that settled over me.Doubts lingered in my mind as I continued attending the classes. The fear of making mistakes consumed me. 

However, this difficult journey ultimately led to a profound transformation: 

Thanks to the lovely instructor, who was consistently encouraging. She often reminded us not to fret over mistakes because, in reality, nobody else would notice them—only we would. She encouraged us to carry on as if nothing had happened. 

Gradually, I began to realize that my fellow classmates were there to improve themselves, not to judge or inspect my every move. I came to understand that making mistakes was not only acceptable but also expected. I embraced the idea that mistakes were a natural part of the learning process. 

Here I was. I did it. I said to myself with tears of pride. I stood on the stage as part of a group, a tribe, a family. The audience came to support their loved ones, and it was an incredible experience. 

The journey from recovery to the ability of dancing in heels spanned a total of 6 years, which began in darkness, ultimately led to a newfound connection with my body, allowing me to express myself through dance and empowering me to fully embrace my authentic self.

Through my heels heal journey, I realize that Success is not a destination, and failing is not the end: what truly matters is the persistence to keep going. 

Never give up your dreams, even if they appear out of reach. Embrace the journey with unwavering commitment and dedication, what once seemed Improbable fantasy will become inevitable victory.